Core memories and connection.
Hello! Eduardo here.
It was the summer of 69. Just kidding, it was a few decades after that, and my mom, sister, and I spent part of our vacation at our uncle’s beach house. Us, my uncle, aunt, cousins, and a few friends of the family would spend entire days chilling at the beach and sitting at a table playing card games. There was some volleyball and hangouts with neighbors in between those two main activities.
A couple of decades later I don't remember too many details, but I sure remember the feelings I had, the people I spent time with, and some of the activities that brought me the most joy. I couldn't tell how long we stayed there, where my bed was, or any meal we had, but I can give you the exact recipe for the cappuccino mixture my aunt used to make, most details on the conversation we all had about aliens and the card game we played the most - it was Canasta. The adults drank white wine with ice cubes in it, and even as a tween, I found it funny. Every day around 5 pm I would ride the bike to the ice cream shop and get the same mint ice cream with whipped cream and crisped rice.
Forming lasting memories.
Core memories are pivotal moments from childhood that carry emotional importance and influence a child's understanding of happiness. Research shows that the ability to reflect on positive experiences significantly contributes to a child's overall sense of contentment and resilience.
The intentional creation of strong memories with your children is an important part of being a parent. Whether through exciting adventures or simple close bonds at home, the quality and positivity of these experiences matter. By engaging in activities beyond the routine, you are providing your children with a reservoir of positive memories to draw upon during challenging times in the future.
While there isn't a universal agreement on when children begin forming lasting memories, studies emphasize the role of parents in cultivating memory fluency. Actively discussing past experiences and encouraging your children to reflect on their memories helps in developing a strong sense of self.
Vacay as a canvas.
Vacation is like the VIP pass to quality family time. No (or less) distractions, no looming deadlines, just you and your mini-me squad creating memories that will last a lifetime.
It's not just the sledding adventures and lazy days inside – it's about expanding those little minds. It's about learning to adapt, embracing the unknown, and discovering that getting a little lost can lead to the best discoveries. These are life lessons that no classroom can fully capture.
Let's not forget the 'Oops, we messed up' moments. You know, the ones that seem disastrous at the time but turn into the tales you recount at every family gathering. From missed flights to questionable roadside diners – these hiccups become the glue that binds your family story. They're the stories that start with, "Hey, remember that time we took the wrong turn and ended up at the llama farm instead of the beach?" Sure, it was a detour, but it became a memory etched in the family folklore.
But the real gold here is the bonding. There's something about being outside the usual routine that sparks the best conversations. Late-night talks in the room, sharing stories around the campfire – these are the moments where you become more than ‘just’ a parent; you become a trusted friend, an ally in the mysteries of life.
Now, here's the secret sauce – vacations give your kids a break from the routine and a chance to see you in a different light. You're not just the bedtime enforcer or the vegetable negotiator; you're the co-pilot in the family adventure, the navigator of uncharted territories, and the superhero who conquers unexpected challenges.
As you embark on your next family escapade, don't just see it as a vacation. See it as a canvas for creating special moments of laughter, learning, and true connection.
WHAT NOW?
The simple act of being present and paying attention to these moments now that you have a little bit of extra time with your kid will work wonders. By all means, go to Italy and have Speculoos Gelato with them, but if staying around is what your family is doing, here are some ideas:
A date night with each kid.
Full-on movie night, with popcorn and everything else possible.
Open Spotify - or Apple Music if you will, and create a playlist together, while dancing to some of the tunes.
Get everyone to help plan and prepare family dinners, following fun recipes while teaching the basics.
Create a short play together and perform it for friends and family.
Go ice skating at a ring nearby.
Create reading times, taking turns to read out loud or silently side-by-side
Plan a quick family road trip to explore a new place. Research together about the spot before going.
Build a fort where you can watch movies, read, or just hang out.
Organize a picnic together. Include your kid in the planning, buying, laying out, and cleaning up.
Create a family bucket list of activities for the year ahead.
Collaborate on a creative project, like a painting, a video, or even a song you guys write.
Family game night with your favorite board, card, or video games.
Here are some extra ideas, but now they are ideas to help you strengthen these core memories that are being created:
Provide running commentary. Talk with them about what is happening while it's happening.
Talk about the moment after it’s over. Providing a running commentary while forming memories is important, but so is storytelling once the moment has ended.
Involve all of their senses … or at least one important one. Use as many sensory cues — olfactory, visual, auditory, tactile, etc. — as possible. Oh, if you have to pick one, pick smells:)
Bring home (or create) a souvenir. Providing something tactile from an experience can help.
Create multiple pathways for memory. Expand a particular moment to include some different elements - a dance, a feeling, a taste, etc.
Have them draw a picture. Help them put the focus on what they remember about a particular moment.
Repeat the moment. “Practice makes permanent.”
NERDING IT UP
Children's Memories of Emotional Events (Read)
Science-backed ways to create lasting memories for your child (Read)
Core Memories with Children: A Guide to Strengthening Family Bonds (Read)
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