Synchronized physiology.
Hello hello! Lily here.
Sharing experiences together is one of the best ways to connect with our kids.
Kidz Bop.
Last weekend, my husband and I took Nina to her first big concert: Kidz Bop. If you don’t know them and you have young kids, you should give it a go. It’s a group of teens who sing and dance to family-friendly cover versions of pop songs. Do we love it? Not really, lol, but Nina likes it and we thought it would be a fun experience. More than anything, it was so fun to watch her enjoying the show. She danced, jumped, and sang with all of her heart and soul.
Something caught my attention. A girl and her dad (I’m assuming, since they looked alike) arrive a bit late and sit next to us. He seems disengaged, almost uncomfortable. It’s clear that he doesn’t want to be there - and I don't blame him. He spends the entire time on his phone. The girl is sitting down while singing the songs kind of shyly. Every now and then she looked at how my daughter was excitedly dancing and smiled at her like she wanted to join in.
I definitely don't know what was happening in the dad's life - maybe he was going through something serious at work, or he was worried about his other kid at the hospital with the mom, who knows? So absolutely, I’m not here to judge. BUT, I couldn’t help but feel sorry that he was missing out on a great opportunity to connect with his kid. It was the perfect moment to be present and really share an experience with his daughter, to relish in her delight, even if the music wasn’t to his taste.
Synchronized physiology.
When we truly share an experience - meaning, we're both present going through the same thing, experiencing the same emotion, on the same wavelength, our weird and awesome body does something amazing: it physiologically syncs with the other person. Even when you don’t know the person - when you share an experience, both your heart rates, pupil dilation, breathing rates, and even body temp can sync! Isn't that magical?
It turns out that this physiological sync can ignite a much deeper connection with someone. When both bodies are synchronized, you feel closer to each other, and the reverse is also true, when you feel close, you synchronize.
In a way, we feel close to the people at the movie theater, crying at the same scene. We go to a friend's dinner party and the group is attentively listening to the same story - we all feel closer now. You know those family stories that get repeated over and over again? Yes, they pave a great bridge. Studies show that when we sync, we are more inclined to open up, share, and trust - thanks to mirror neurons and Oxytocin.
Ordinary Moments.
Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that you should plan a whole month of multiple events with your kids. We don’t need to wait until a big event to share an experience and connect. This concept can actually apply to short moments during your ordinary day-to-day life.
The key here is to BE PRESENT in whatever you choose to do with your kids - even a trip to the groceries can work. We hope that knowing a bit more about the biological effect when you share experiences can help you find new ways to maintain a strong connection with your kiddo!
WHAT NOW?
Next time you see your kid really excited about something - a topic, a game, a toy, a band, etc.:
Step 1 - See the world through their eyes. What about this is so interesting to my kid? What expressions and emotions do you see?
Step 2 - Show genuine interest. Ask them more about it. Get curious. Let them teach you.
Step 3 - Join in. Play the game with them, discuss the topic with them, listen to the band with them.
NERDING IT UP
What is synchrony and why is it important? (Read)
The transformative power of shared experience. (Watch)
Why you should play video games with your kid. (Listen)
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