Being your kid’s safe place. (Part 2)
Hi, Eduardo here again.
Continuing our conversation from last time, I wanted to bring a different perspective on how parents can be a safe place for their kids. Brené Brown said in The Gifts of Imperfection:
"If you share your shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm."
This hit me hard. It’s a reminder of how vulnerable it feels to open up about something personal, and how the wrong response can worsen an already difficult situation. But here’s the thing - it doesn’t just apply to adults. Kids feel this too, especially when they come to us with something that doesn’t align with our expectations.
So, what does this mean for us as parents?
Why do kids stop talking?
When kids don’t talk to us, it’s often because they’re afraid of how we’ll react. They often hold back from sharing with us because they’re afraid:
Of being judged.
Of feeling ashamed.
Of being punished.
We’ll love them less.
They’ve disappointed us.
Think about a time when you felt judged after sharing something vulnerable. Did it make you want to open up again? Probably not. Kids feel the same way. Judgment, criticism, or even a disappointed look can create a wall between us and them.
When a child is in a vulnerable moment like confessing a mistake, sharing a fear, or opening up about a failure, it takes immense courage. If we meet that bravery with harshness or correction, we teach them that vulnerability isn’t safe.
When we respond with understanding instead of judgment, we show them that mistakes are part of learning, and most importantly, that our love isn’t conditional.
It’s not about letting everything slide.
Let’s be clear: listening without judgment doesn’t mean we abandon teaching moments or stop holding kids accountable. It’s about when and how we approach those lessons.
We can focus on:
Listening fully: Don’t interrupt or jump in with advice.
Staying curious: Ask open-ended questions like, “What happened next?” or “How are you feeling about it?”
Being supportive: Acknowledge their feelings, even if their choices weren’t ideal.
The teaching can happen later, once the storm has passed and they feel safe.
A lifetime of openness.
If we consistently respond to their vulnerability with kindness and curiosity, they’ll remember those moments. They’ll feel safe coming to us, not just as kids but as teens and adults, too, no matter how complex their problems are.
-
(This is Part 2 of a two-part newsletter. Both parts explore the same topic, but each one offers a different perspective on parenting styles and the challenges that grow as kids get older - Part 1 is HERE)
SUBSCRIBE
Click HERE to receive our FREE bi-weekly newsletter.
Our newsletter brings practical tools, information, and inspiring ideas that will enable you to deepen your connection with your kids and add a bit of magic to your family moments.
We'll also keep you updated on new products and promotions.