Oversharing as a teaching tool.
Hi hi, Lily here.
Asking our kids about their experiences can be frustrating. Some kids are talkers, who will tell their parents everything even when they don’t ask. But many kids just reply with vague answers. How to get our kids to share more details about their day and life? How to get them to open up to us?
It turns out some kids might struggle to articulate their thoughts and experiences. Analyzing and summarizing an event isn't easy, especially for young minds. I recently read a book by Catherine McCarthy, called How to Raise Kids Who Can, and she suggests a tool that can be a powerful solution.
Narration.
It all starts with us, parents. By modeling our thought process, we can teach our kids to process their thoughts and feelings internally and hopefully articulate it out loud in conversations.
Narration is essentially thinking out loud, describing your thoughts, feelings, and decision-making process as you go about your day. Often it works best when you include the emotions and whys: I’m feeling really grouchy, so I’m going to go for a walk because I know it will help me feel better.
She also recommends narrating present and past struggles. Now, you might worry about sharing your struggles with your kids. However, rather than alarming them, McCarthy reassures that it has the opposite effect; kids are relieved and encouraged to know that their parents too, are humans, who also make mistakes and sometimes feel uncertain, sad, or overwhelmed.
Milk.
The other day, when I got back in the car after grocery shopping, I glanced at the milk's expiration date and noticed that it was going to expire in 2 days!
My thought process was: Ugh! Should I go back and return it? Oh no, I didn’t grab the receipt. How will I prove that I bought the milk there? This will take too long, and I don’t want to deal with conflict, especially since the cashier wasn't friendly at all. I'm tired... I'll just go home. [Drove off] That was not a good decision. Why did I feel so insecure about dealing with such a small problem?
When I got home, I shared my entire internal dialogue with my daughter and husband and what I think I learned from that short experience.
Traffic.
When I’m faced with a situation like being cut off in traffic, I choose not to react. A few days ago, my daughter was sitting next to me when someone rudely cut me off. I could just let her form her own impressions, but I decided to narrate my reasoning to her.
I don’t like it when people cut me off because it makes me feel disrespected. But instead of shouting at the driver, who definitely won't hear me, I choose to take a deep breath and move on. Adding stress won't help. One thing that helps me stay calm is giving the other driver the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have urgent reasons, like needing to get to the hospital or being late for a job interview. What do you think?
It turns out, we were able to have a whole conversation about that simple event where I learned things about her and also about myself.
WHAT NOW?
So, how do you put this into practice? Create a dialogue by reflecting on something that happened during your day and walk your kids through your thought process. Identify the emotions, challenges faced, decisions made, and lessons learned. By verbalizing your internal dialogue, you're helping your kids develop self-reflection skills and build a deeper connection through vulnerability and honesty.
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